You Will Be The End Of Me
by Nokturnal Augury
Summary: A series of 'can be considered oneshots' during the time that Light doesn't remember he's a mass murderer out to become the God of the New World. Revolves around L and Light. Some angst in places, some sad attempts at humor at other places...
1. Insecurity

_Hello, Masses. This is NA again._

_This could be considered a oneshot, though I'd love to continue it and make it a little more...happy :) Will change rating, genre and summary when I get a second chapter typed up and posted._

**Disclaimer**: _If I owned Death Note, L would have never had to be replaced by -deleted text-. He'd also still live by book 12 - if Death Note got that far. Perhaps it would have been longer. Who knows._

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* * *

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I watch you pinch the sweet between two gentle fingers, vigilantly bringing it to your lips, the sound of your chewing drowned out only by the relentless echoing of furious typing. My eyes are glued to the computer screen, my mind comparing statistics and working through calculations many times faster than any regular person's could, but I still watch you.

It is impossible for me not to.

I almost falter as you shift on the desk chair, drawing your knees closer to your chest, your eyes scanning the information on your own computer screen at the same time that you pick another piece of candy out of the glass bowl. You made a link. Nobody else noticed, but I knew immediately. I want to ask you what you saw that I haven't figured out yet, that I still can't figure out as I tear through the information on the glowing screens with desperate eyes, but I can't. If I ask you what you saw, you'll ask me what made me think you saw something. If I mention your shift in position, you'll ask me what made me think that meant anything, for you could simply have been trying to make yourself more comfortable. If I laugh at that, letting you know that you always draw your knees just a few centimeters closer to your chest before sharing a new theory with us, you'll comment on my amazing perceptiveness for detail. You will sound amazed, but I know what you'll be thinking. You'll be wondering just why I was paying so much attention to you when I was supposed to be concentrating solely on my work. The fact that I'm sacrificing a small percentage of my attention to you even at this moment, the corner of your lip twitching softly as you mull over your newly thought up theory, will only make you more suspicious of me.

This time I allow my fingers to falter over the keyboard and glance at the cold link on my wrist, the chain that connects me to you every minute of every day. I have already become accustomed to the weight of the metal and sometimes forget altogether that it is there. Its purpose is to keep me in your sight, not to bring you within my reach. I know that, but…

"Raito-kun…" I blink in surprise as I realize my hands have completely stopped moving. I feel a chill of apprehension run down my spine, knowing that you have caught me thinking, that my thoughts had nothing to do with the case and that you also _know that very well_. I return my gaze to the computer screen and resist the urge to sigh. There's no way you could guess what it was that I was thinking, but I know you're making assumptions anyway and that each one of your hypothesis can only work against me, making you more and more suspicious of me when all I want is for you to believe me.

_I'm not Kira._

"Yes, Ryuuzaki?" I ask dejectedly, punching in a couple of keys before drawing my hands to myself to softly massage my sore wrist. You say nothing for a few long seconds, during which I turn around to pin your gaze with my own. You decide not to share your suspicions with me and you comment on the link you made instead. I don't have to pretend to be surprised or relieved, for I am both. I eagerly grasp at the new lead you've offered me, driving back all worries to the very back of my head, glad to have something new to concentrate on.

Something other than the look you have in your eyes as you watch me, thinking all the time that I am an impostor who wants to kill you.

* * *

_Short. No direction yet. I have no idea where I want to go with this, but I've been reading too many DN fics to not write ANYTHING._

_Reviews greatly appreciated :) and what the heck, flamers too. At least they take the time to review and I get to laugh at their inferior intellect. Note constructive reviews are not considered flames. I love receiving those. It means a person cares enough to try and make me a better writer._

_Thanks for taking the time to read this, and hopefully, to review too :o_


	2. Child's Play

_Alright. So, maybe the title hasn't changed yet. 'You Will Be The End Of Me' gives me a very uncomfortable feeling. Too...well...but I can't think of anything else right now, so please put up with it. I have, after all, managed a second chapter._

_I wanted to move on with the story, but I hit a wall. That's what happens when my muse decides she doesn't like the direction I'm taking - she throws up a wall and lets me hit it. SO, I decided to take the opposite direction and NOT move on with the story. I'll shut up now and blab more at the end of the chapter..._

_ps. THE FIRST PARAGRAPH WAS MISSING o.O and now it is not._

_Disclaimer: I. Do. Not. Own. Death. Note._

* * *

I can feel you watching me even though your eyes are dutifully focused on the screen in front of you. I can feel your thoughts like a soft tickle at the base of my neck, threatening to distract my attention from my meticulous calculations. My mind is working even faster than your fingers are, streaming in information –_name date salary profile accident name company age increase name death date report profile_- and storing it away safely in my memory, comparing statistics –_age company accident increase theory wrong wrong wrong_- while all the time ignoring the feeling of you watching me –_wrong possible possible_- despite knowing it very well –_possible possible_- so very well –_possible RIGHT_-

In a sudden rush of anticipation, even being watched doesn't seem to matter anymore. I draw my knees closer, mulling the new information over and over in my head, rechecking the theory for weaknesses. My fingers reach inside the glass bowl out of instinct, picking out another one of the assorted sweets, but I don't bring it to my lips. Not yet.

I've become aware of you again now and I know for sure that you've noticed the link that I made. Your typing has decelerated by approximately two words per minute and your breathing has diminished considerably, as if in expectation. You're not going to ask. I feel the corner of my lips twitch in amusement, knowing very well what you're thinking at this very moment. I decide to keep quiet just a moment longer, simply for the pleasure of prolonging your awkward feeling of expectation/resignation. I know this is very childish of me, but all work and no play makes for a very dull day.

I begin to lift the almost-forgotten confection in my hand to my lips and you stop typing altogether. I had not expected this. I turn to look at you, almost fancying the idea that you might ask me what I figured out after all, only to find your gaze fixed on your wrist instead of me - or more precisely, fixed on the handcuff _on_ your wrist. I feel something twitch inside of my chest as I notice the troubled look in your eyes and my mischievousness from seconds ago died off instantly. I begin to fight a thousand unwanted thoughts.

_He doesn't like this. This isn't fun for him. He pretends not to care, but being chained to me bothers him. No, he needs to understand. This is necessary. But he knows that, which is why he doesn't say anything. He's lying, but he's not saying anything. I'm having fun, but he's lying and he doesn't like it. Not Kira. My friend. I'm making my friend uncomfortable by doing what is necessary. He thinks the way that I do, but he doesn't feel the way that I do._

I drop the unwanted sweet back in the glass bowl and settle for simply licking the remnant sugar off of my fingers, softly calling your name in an attempt to interrupt both of our thoughts.

"Raito-kun…"

You blink in surprise and return your gaze to the computer. I feel my chest tighten at the realization of my failure. I haven't stopped you from thinking and the thoughts inside my own head have only gotten louder. I follow your every move as you begin to type – only to stop again, leaning back into your chair to gently begin to rub the sensitive skin around the offending metal link. "Yes, Ryuuzaki?" I allow myself a few seconds to regain control over my reactions. I might be childish, but I am not a child. I force the thoughts –_the guilt_- into silence and share with you the lead that I found, distracting myself in the first way that came to mind. My plan worked this time, as the theory I shared with you seems to have been devoured instantly by a mind as equally brilliant as mine. You almost resemble a phoenix bounding back into life with my words being your flame. The two of us work well together. I turn back to my own screen, deciding that I want to eat the previously rejected confection after all.

I suppose I'll have to put off playing until later.

* * *

_So. Now you know what I meant by 'not move on with the story'. Woohoo._

_I really want to do something with this, but I'm having serious trouble coming up with a plot idea. This is my first time writing in the present tense and my first time seriously writing in the first person, so it only makes things even harder. If you want to share an idea, go right ahead and do so in a comment. If you dont, feel free to comment anyway. :)_

_I'm planning on writing more. That means that the story title, genre, rating etc are very very very VERY likely to change...once I actually get to writing the continuation of this. Please keep tuned :o I will do my best._


	3. Sleep

_Completely random and pointless. I felt like trying out writing a chapter with nothing but dialogue. Then I thought that posting this as an update is better than not updating at all, so ther you have it. :)_

_-NA_

_Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue. I'll win._

* * *

"…Ryuuzaki?" 

"Yes, Raito-kun."

"…What are you doing?"

"I am watching the surveillance videos, Raito-kun, isn't that obvious?"

"Oh. Really."

"…Your tone attests to your previous knowledge of the fact, Raito-kun. That leads me to believe that you did not ask me what I was doing merely out of curiosity. Would you like to watch as well?"

"Watch what? Me _sleeping_?"

"Ah, it appears as if you do not wish to join me, but are upset over the fact that I am watching you in one of your most vulnerable moments."

"I'm not upset! …Are you _smirking_?!"

"I simply find myself entertained by your childish behavior, Raito-kun. It's refreshing to see you get flustered over something as simple as me watching the surveillance tapes, which you know is necessary, esp-"

"I'm not _flustered_!"

"If you are neither upset nor flustered, then why are you blushing? It's not like you to be embarrassed by something such as this. After all, I've watched you-"

"DON'T SAY IT!"

"Ah, it appears that Raito-kun is feeling embarrassed after all. How unexpected."

"I'm not embarrassed!!"

"Lying will not get me to stop watching these videos, you know."

"You confuse me, Ryuuzaki. You were CHAINED to me at the time. Why do you still have to watch the videos?!"

"That is, of course, in case something happened while I wasn't paying attention. Ah, you shifted."

"…_Ryuuzaki_."

"It is alright, Raito-kun. I can continue watching this alone. You can return to your work."

"I wish you'd do the same! _Stop watching me sleep_"

"It shouldn't make a difference whether or not I watch you now, Raito-kun, since I watch you while you sleep anyways."

"…"

"I believe that look was completely uncalled for, Raito-kun."

"…I can't _believe_ you. I thought you did _work_ while I slept!"

"I can multitask."

"You don't make watching me sleep sound like a task, Ryuuzaki."

"The main Kira suspect must be observed upon all times."

"Here we go again…"

"And under all conditions. Oh, you shifted again. Look, Raito-kun-"

"I don't want to."

" -your breathing seems to have picked up a little."

"…No it hasn't."

"Yes, it has. Look, I shall rewind it a little…"

"…Like I said, it hasn't."

"Yet it has. By one breath per two minutes, to be exact."

"You're being ridiculous."

"Ah, make that one breath per one minute. …Raito-kun."

"Yes, Ryuuzaki?"

"Why did you stop it?"

"You don't need to be watching me sleep."

"Your interference with the investigation can only count against you, Raito-kun."

"I'll gladly sacrifice a few percentage points' chance of me being Kira if it stops you from freaking me out. Watching a video of me sleeping is not _investigati__n__g_."

"Every video is vital evidence either for or against you, Raito-kun. It seemed as if you were about to have a dream. That would-"

"Here. Have a truffle."

"…"

"…What?"

"Perhaps Raito-kun would like to feed it to me?"

"…"

"That look was _also_ completely uncalled for, Raito-kun."

"…"

"Understood. I shall have the truffle myself. It appears that Raito-kun is shy, despite appearances."

"…_I'm not being shy!!_"


	4. Shower

_Woo, lookee dat. Another update. I've kinda had this idea flittering around in my head for a while. Hope I didn't mess it up completely somewhere in the process of putting it in words D: I kinda didn't know where I wanted it to end, too, so I guess it's a little gah after all._

_Well, here's yet another oneshot from within the writing closet._

_-NA_

_Disclaimer: Sure. I own Death Note. A copy of the manga, anime and movies, that is._

_Note: Not revised. Pardon any grammar mistakes, though if you comment on them I'll fix them faster :3_

* * *

Light tried to ignore it. 

He shampooed his hair in silence, massaging his scalp and working the thick lather with sure fingers while trying to forget all about the existence of that bizarre, bed-haired and wide-eyed creature right on the other side of the shower door.

He tried to ignore it. Really, he did.

_However_, as the raccoon detective forked another bite out of his cake, fork meeting plate with a telltale clinking sound that almost seemed to want to announce to the world just what he was doing, Light found that he was incapable of doing as he craved. He moved his head under the shower spray and began to wash the soap away as he growled out loud.

"MUST you eat that stuff in the bathroom, Ryuuzaki?"

"I have little else to do in the average of 27 minutes that it takes you to shower, Raito-kun," L answered calmly, his response coming way too quickly and surely to have been thought of at that moment. It was almost as if he'd been expecting the complaint for quite some time and had taken the time to prepare his riposte in advance. "I would have preferred bringing my laptop with me instead, but Raito-kun insisted at length yesterday morning that it was irritating when I did so and that I should at least wait until we arrived at headquarters before I started to work. I am simply obliging Raito-kun's wishes."

Light only half-registered the sound of L spearing another bite out of his cake, working the last bit of soap out of his hair in mounting irritation. L was _playing_ him. Sure, he'd complained about L's incessant typing during his shower yesterday morning, but that was simply because he needed to say _something_ and nothing seemed to fit the occasion better than a complaint concerning the detective's wacky habits. Light understood that the investigation was more important than him getting to shower without a symphony of laptop keys going on in the background, so he hadn't actually been planning on _stopping_ L from doing it. Needless to say, he'd been baffled by just how easily his handcuff-mate had offered to let work wait until they met up with the others downstairs, actually keeping to his promise that morning by bringing cake in with him instead of his laptop.

Now, Light knew why.

L knew that Light had simply complained for the sake of complaining and that it wasn't his laptop in particular that was bothering him. L knew he would have complained regardless of what he brought into the bathroom with him and yet he had offered to stop anyways, just so that he could _play_ him.

"That is your third piece, isn't it?" Light sighed, running his fingers through hair now entirely free of soap.

"Indeed. How impressive, Raito-kun, that you know which slice I am on despite not being able to see me. Your observational skills and powers of deduction are indeed outstanding."

_You sure don't sound as excited as your words would make one believe_, he snorted inwardly as he started soaping and scrubbing the rest of himself.

"Why a third slice, Ryuuzaki?"

"Because it tastes good."

"I just can't understand how you can eat so much of it," he sighed, mostly to himself.

"Raito-kun does not appreciate sweets the way that I do. It is reasonable that he wouldn't understand."

"Appreciate? I appreciate sweets; I just can't have as much as you do. It borders on disgusting."

L was quiet for a few seconds. He seemed to have even stopped eating, which worried Light a little bit – but not enough to disrupt him from his meticulous scrubbing. It wasn't until L spoke again that his hand faltered.

"…Perhaps Raito-kun would like to try some?"

"I'll pass."

"Humor me." Light found himself blinking in surprise at the unexpected change in L's tone of voice. He didn't even have time to begin sorting out what the heck had just happened when he heard the shower door open. He dropped the sponge, his eyes widening in surprise.

After that, everything happened really fast. He just barely had time to register the mischievous grin on L's lips and the vanilla and chocolate 'gook' on his fingers before the detective was upon him. Light had no idea how he tripped, but he suddenly found himself lying on the wet floor, the back of his head throbbing slightly. He tried struggling back onto his feet, but the floor was slippery and now L was over him, eyes wide-open and lips twitching at the corners as he shoved his sugary digits through Light's lips.

By the time Light's brain started to work again, L had withdrawn his fingers and was simply grinning down at him, drops of water trickling off strands of his hair and tickling Light's cheeks. Light blinked, unable to respond in any other way simply because he refused to believe that what just happened had, in fact, really happened. He was _not_ completely naked on the shower floor and L was _not_ straddling him on hands and knees after having just shoved his fingers down his throat. His state of denial didn't last long, however, since that sugary taste in his mouth was _far_ too strong to be anything but grim reality.

"It is quite alright, Raito-kun. You can swallow." Light blinked, blushed, and then glared at the shameless detective. "It is not poisoned. I was eating out of that very slice just a moment ago."

"And just what the _hell_ possessed you to do this, Ryuuzaki?" Light growled menacingly after he swallowed the offensively sweet paste that had so unceremoniously been forced into him. L cocked his head slightly to the side, his hair now completely wet and dripping all over Light. He didn't seem to care, since he wasn't showing any signs of moving away.

"Raito-kun was wondering, so I thought I would show him."

"You _forced_ it into me."

"But it tasted good, right?"

Light was almost too dumbfounded to get angry. Almost.

"Are you planning on getting off of me anytime soon? You might have not noticed, but I was in the middle of a shower before you decided to barge in."

"I noticed."

"Then _get off_." L finally pushed himself back onto his knees, partially withdrawing himself from Light's bubble. He tugged at the shirt that now clung to his skin, glancing down at it and frowning.

"It seems that I have gotten wet."

"Yes, Ryuuzaki. That's what happens when you step into the shower while the water's ru- What the- What are you doing!" Light scrambled away from L as he began to tug his soaked shirt over his head.

"Since I'm already in here, I might as well-"

"NO!" This time it was Light's turn to tackle the other man, initially intending to yank the shirt back down over his pale chest and kick him the heck out of the shower – but that was before he was cruelly reminded that he was covered in soap by a ruthless marble floor. As things stood, the only thing he accomplished was to slip and crash right into the detective, toppling the two of them over into a position that appeared to be the very reversal of their roles from just a few moments ago.

As if that wasn't enough, L, startled by the sudden shift in their positions, reflexively attempted to both sit back up and pull away all while his hands were still trapped in the shirt that he never quite managed to remove all the way, accidentally knocking his head into Light's jaw. The younger boy yelped in surprise as he bit down on both tongue and lip.

The two of them scrambled away from each other, both nursing their faces in silence as they waited for the world to stop spinning. L's shirt now hung from one arm, which he gently rubbed against his forehead as if feeling around for the bump that was surely readying to make its appearance. Light had both palms slapped over his mouth, eyes clenched shut as he waited for the pain to subside enough so that he could attempt speech once again.

L beat him to it.

"Ouch."

"…Ouch," Light agreed a few seconds later, opening his eyes to find the great detective L staring at him with an expression of lackluster resignation. His excitement from just moments ago seemed to be completely gone.

Good.

"That did not turn out well."

"That it didn't." Light found himself agreeing once again. "Now, are you going to retreat peacefully or are you feeling up and ready for another go at our luck together in the shower room?" L shook his head, immediately regretting it and flinching at what Light assumed to be the bitch of all headaches in the making.

"I shall go finish my cake."

L then quietly, and carefully, exited the shower room, quietly shutting the door and leaving Light behind with nothing but the mingling taste of blood and sugar.

* * *

_...I'd just finished writing a very long A/N when the freaking computer decided to go bitch on me and erased it. -beats at computer with a stick-_

_Thank you all for reading yet another pointless chapter by NA. Thank you very VERY much to those of you that reviewed :3 you're all awesome and you make me warm and fuzzy inside._

_Warning. This IS just a series of oneshots, all of which I've written while bored at work...so there's not officially going to be an end. Updates will just stop coming in at one point. Which sucks, 'cause I love DN so much yet can't think of a story good enough to write about it that hasn't already been tried._

_Le sigh. See you again in the future.  
_

_--NA_

_ps. If any of you have any ideas you want to feed me, go right ahead. The little review button at the bottom corner of the screen beckons you- - - - -_


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